How Could You, Oh Great Fates?
by LizzardGizzard
Summary: Usagi finds Mamoru's journal and reads it, all the while finding his most intimate, and well-kept secret. My first fic; please R&R! A one shot.


Title: How Could You, Oh Great Fates?  
  
Author: Lizzard Gizzard A.K.A: ME!!!!  
  
Rating: G  
  
Authors Note: This is rated G, so all you kitties out there are able to read it! This will be my first fanfic that I've posted, but not written. I'm in the middle of a few, so look for those when I'm done! {They're not all SM, just some FYI for you!} I just thought that this would be a cute story to write while I have writers block with a BIG one I'm writing, so guess what! Come on guess! That's right! I wrote it! Wow, imagine that! It's amazing! Well, here it is; hope you enjoy it! No flames, please! But I will take constructive criticisms! {Get it? Got it? Good!} Thanks!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon, or any characters in it. I do, however, own this story line/plot! I thought it up all in this here noggin, all by my lonesome! ^.^  
  
Summary: Usagi finds Mamoru's journal and reads it, all the while finding his most intimate, and well-kept secret. My first fic; please R&R! A one shot.  
  
Dear journal:  
  
Cold, alone, empty, depression. How could this happen? Why didn't I stop it? When have I started to feel this way? Do I even feel this way? Or maybe my mind's playing tricks on me. Yeah, that must be it... But, I want to cry out so much right now from all the anguish that's built up inside of me. The pain in my heart is too unbearable. For me just to yell and scream, because of my frustration in the matter is what I'm longing to do. I can't feel this way; I swore to myself I would never do this again! But yet, here I am, feeling this way... Oh why me? Why have the Fates forsaken me so? What have I eve done to them? I don't want this: to feel this way!  
  
No..... I don't  
  
No..... I can't  
  
No..... I won't  
  
No..... I shouldn't  
  
No..... I-- Oh yes! Kami, yes! Yes, yes, I want to so bad! But no, no I can't! I mustn't. Sigh, though, how I wish it to be true. I want it so bad, but I can't... Every time, I-- My Mother; my Father. No, I couldn't do that to her. I know now I love her, with every fiber in my being. But, I mustn't let her know that.  
  
She could get hurt, or maybe I'm the one I'm looking out for. Maybe I just don't want to stick my neck out on the line and wait for some on to walk by with an axe and cut it off. Maybe I just don't want to be risked my heart again. But, but isn't that why I swore to never love again? So I wouldn't have to risk my heart. I don't know how much more my poor, fragile heart can take. But, there's no denying it: I love her. I can't help it; I can't stop it.  
  
No matter how much I yell at myself, lecture myself, I just can't get her out of my head. Her smile, her beautiful face, her long, silky hair, her musical voice, its all there, and I don't think it will come out. Sigh, how can I live like this? This isn't right!  
  
I'm respected in the real word. I have a title; I'm someone. How do you think the people would react if someone, such as myself, was in love with a girl many years my junior, and couldn't even tell the girl that he loved her? Plus, who knows what she would do if she found out she had MY heart wrapped around her finger? Anything she says will either make or break me. How could I do this?  
  
How could I let myself fall in love and let a female have total control over my heart, and my sanity! I'm supposed to be in control! I'm not supposed to let these emotions take me over. But, I did, and here I am, in love with someone, I know, who will never love me. But I'll never know if she could actually love me or not, because I'm too stubborn to do anything about it....  
  
Oh, why must you do this to me, Fates? Why, what did I do to deserve this? Everyone says that being in love is a wonderful thing, but is it really?  
  
Is feeling like your having a stake shoved into your heart wonderful? Is having your heart twist from longing every time you see her wonderful? Is having jealousy over take your whole being every time some boy touches her wonderful? Is all that hurt, all that pain, love? Tell me of great Fates!  
  
I love her, but I shouldn't. I want her, but I mustn't. I need her, but I can't have her... Oh why must I feel this way? Is this some kind of twisted humor the Fates are playing on me? Do they take enjoyment from my heartaches? Well, if they do, I hope they're enjoying it, because in that case at least someone will!  
  
Or maybe, maybe it's not the Fates fault. Maybe... Maybe it's mine. Maybe I really am just a heartless guy who cares for no one but himself. Maybe it's... Maybe it's me....  
  
Well, I think I should go, thank you again for listening to my troubles, Journal. I will eventually find the nerves to talk to her, to talk to Usako.  
  
Usagi gasped as she read the last line. She couldn't believe it! She never knew Mamoru was this deep, this romantic, this much in pain, because of.... Well, because of her. Usagi shuddered at the thought that she was the main source of pain. She loved him, as he loved her, but she didn't think she could tell him, either. Not because of her stubbornness, although it was an issue, she was afraid this he would laugh at her if she told him. She only being a silly little girl, not knowing what love was. But she new better then that, now.  
  
Usagi, standing up from the place at the counter, ran from the Crown Arcade to reunite wit her newly discovered love.  
  
The End!  
  
:::Sniff Sniff::: I'm so proud of you.. You actually read my story and didn't quit! Wow, you love me, you really love me! :::Pats corner of eyes with a hanky then blows nose::: Man.. I think I broke the 7th seal, there! Well, that's it! Hope you like it! Once again, please R&R, but no flames, please! God Bless! "God's reply was simply: 'I will be with you.'"- Exodus 3:12.  
  
~*Lizzard Gizzard*~  
  
"The greatest accomplishment in life's not getting all the money, things, and power in the world, but all the friends in the world." 


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